From the time you were a child, you might have been a people
pleaser. You tried to ace your
schoolwork in order to win your parents’ approval…you practiced soccer for hours
on end to win a vote of support from your coach…or you diligently practiced
your piano chords in order to earn the gratitude of your music teacher. There’s nothing wrong with aiming to
please. It can make you a respected
leader, a valued friend, a comforting mentor.
However, it should be recognized that some food addictions begin with an
inability to say “no.”
It might have begun with a Thanksgiving during your childhood when your
mother asked if you wanted a second helping of mashed potatoes. Or a teacher at your elementary school might
have given you a gold star if you cleaned your plate. You were probably taught that it is wrong to
waste food and that a hearty appetite was a good thing. The problem is, such cues from your
environment might have caused you to learn the wrong lessons when it came to
food consumption.
In our society, many people have difficulty saying “no.” They want to be part of the crowd and they
don’t want to stand out for non-participation.
They will do all they can to blend in and that leads them to say “yes”
more times than they’d like to. In fact,
the epidemic of alcohol and drug abuse may be due in part to the refusal of
many people to say “no.”
Admitting that you have a problem over-committing yourself is the first
step to progress. It shows that you have
a great deal of insight into your own problems with food and you want to change
your bad habits and replace them with admirable ones. But this can be difficult, given the fact
that so many families have a number of rituals involving food. Also, unlike cigarettes or marijuana, food is
not considered inherently bad—nor should it be. However, you need to learn how to use food
effectively.
Part of your training begins with learning the power of “no” or “no
thank you.” You need to learn to assert
yourself, to recognize that you do not have to go along in order to get
along. You realize that you are doing
yourself no favors by accepting extra helpings of pasta—in fact, you could be
doing your body a great deal of harm.
The key now is to do something about it.
What’s the best way to undergo assertiveness training? One method you can use is role-playing. Practice saying “no” to extra servings with
the help of a friend playing the role of adversary. In this “pretend” situation, you may feel
more comfortable saying “no.” You will
also learn that saying “no” isn’t the end of the world; that you will not
automatically lose friends by taking a “negative” stance.
Another trick you might use is making sure that you do not slouch while
sitting at the table for your meals.
Slouching indicates defeat—a belief that a situation is hopeless. With your head held high you will gain the
confidence you need to say “no”—and to mean it.
Yet another effective strategy is to keep a journal recording your
thoughts after you’ve said “no”—either to more food or to a commitment you just
can’t handle at this time. Putting your
feelings in writing can be quite cathartic.
It can also help you with problem-solving, enabling you to figure out
ways that you can say “no” without hurting another person’s feelings.
Something else you will need to learn is that it is not necessary for
you to fulfill another person’s expectations.
In other words, whether your Aunt Mary thinks you’re eating enough
really doesn’t matter. If you recognize
that you are overweight, Aunt Mary’s opinion shouldn’t be taken into
account. You must do what you think is
best in order to take control of your eating.
Assertiveness will not happen immediately. But, with practice, you can learn to say “no”
like a pro. And you—and your
waistline—will be better off as a result of what you’ve learned.
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